Arranged Marriage

Being that I'm against monogamy and relationship controls of any kind including marriage in general because of what I consider to be disastrous social consequences, I never gave much thought to arranged marriage beyond the most basic loathing. I placed it mentally in the same family as stoning and honor killing and left it at that.

But recently I've discovered that a very dear friend of mine is being pressured by her family to participate in this atrocious extreme. Nothing motivates a position on a given topic like collision with one's life.

Most topics I write on have only general impact on me, which gives me a measure of intellectual distance, not so here. Fortunately I've spent a good deal of time writing and reading about the various elements of human mating ritual, so I'll have my facts and logic straight, but never have I been so emotionally motivated, and I'm sure this paper will reflect that.

This may come as a shock to some of my peripheral readers, since I'm sure they've mistakenly, having only read a small portion of my work, come to the conclusion that I hate women, and would love to see them returned to the days of outright purchase. But nothing could be further from the truth. I seek equality of the sexes, and my attacks on the behavior and, largely American, social constructions related to females are there merely because they grant power to females above and beyond what can be granted to males, only because of their gender.

However, as is the case internationally, women are indeed oppressed brutally in many areas. And I am quick to add that I am well aware that generally and globally women are still by far the more oppressed gender. Just not in America. Thus this marks my first outright attack on what is largely an international practice.

I have so much to say that is emotionally motivated that I find myself almost at a complete loss for words. Frequently as I wrote this I had to pause and remind myself that yes this is indeed real, arranged marriage is not a fiction, yes parents would do this to their children, yes they care so little for who their children are as sentient being that preservation of the culture and tradition trumps basic human rights. Children to so many are meat bots to be programmed and sculpted, this disgusts me. Adults seem to easily forget they were once children as well.

The rage I feel here is of the same family I feel when I think of spanking, molestation, female circumcision, and other forms of child abuse, but this is far more insidious because at least with extreme sexual or physical abuse there is a chance at counseling and the victim has clear reason to place the emotions involved in proper context. Not so with an arranged marriage, in fact I can see the victim of this practice filled with uncertainty and self doubt, not to mention feelings of guilt. In short at least in the case of standard abuse the person knows who to blame.

Arranged marriage to me is like a manufactured Stockholm syndrome. Whereby a daughter, along with a chunk of cash, is given to a captor in the hopes that maybe after a decade or so of cultural or economic imprisonment she'll come to love her cage and lean on its walls instead of claw at them.

Only in a world this insane would I even have to comment on madness of this sort. I'm having trouble here because its so basic. You simply don't pick who someone loves for them. This is microns from trading a daughter for land or power, and thats exactly where this practice has its roots. Need we make rules about this? I would say its as basic as the idea that you don't stab babies in the brain merely for being born girls but that crazy shit happens as well, ironically enough often in societies with arranged marriage thanks to the dowry.

I assume if you're reading this you already have an opinion on the subject and thus a catalog of my hate is worthless because either you already agree with me, turning this into preaching to the choir, or, you don't and have answers ready. So I'm going to take a different approach I'm going to assume your counter arguments and make a rebuttal.

According to wikipedia there are four advantages to arranged marriage and I'm going to counter them. If I leave something out please do inform me.

1.Reduction or elimination of incompatibilities

This is an illusion. Normal healthy people change over time, as do normal and healthy societies I might add. Changes in personality arise from change in environment and general change in perspective that comes with age and experience. Thus both parties are going to be in flux, generally as a result of begin human, and specifically as a result of being thrust into a novel setting, in this case married life. There is no logical reason to conclude that any psychological compatibility between bride and groom will be permanent. All marriage does is provide a means of forcing the wife into silence long enough for the Stockholm syndrome to set it, and this is merely the best case. I leave the worst case to your imagination because as the world has shown us, nothing is beyond human capability in the realm of horror and cruelty.

2.Addresses female anxiety

This to me is akin to negotiating with the mafia, or in other ways capitulating to force. Obviously men in general want to have sex with women more than women want to have sex with men thanks to simple hormonal and biological reasons. Also women are encouraged to deny sexual access for reprehensible social reasons discussed at length in my other works. To claim that arranged marriage addresses sexual anxiety is like claiming that being mugged addresses shopping anxiety. Taking someone's choice away and then calling it an advantage is a disgusting sophist trick. It's like curing the disease by killing the patient.

3.Low expectations

Again, this is like a mugging. So you had a pistol in your face and you expected to die, but instead the mugger merely took your positions and beta you into unconsciousness, by this logic mugging is a good thing because often times you get better than you expected.

This whole argument is illogical because expectations are based on averages. You expect to lose money at the casino because odds are you will. If it was likely that you wouldn't, then that is what you would come to expect. The fact that the majority of people prior to arranged marriage have low expectations logically suggests that those expectations in general are justified. Much like being expected to receive a burn when reaching into a fire.

4.Lower divorce rates

Is this really an argument? Of course they don't get divorced. If they are culturally controlled enough to tolerate this madness in the first place they'll never get divorced. This is like like citing the low incidence of sexual harassment lawsuits among slaves in the American south as evidence of sexual equality. To use an equally underhanded argument. Consider what demographic has a zero divorce rate; those who never get married in the first place.

And that's it. Apparently that's all the world can muster. Those are the only advantages to an arranged marriage. Grow up people. Women are not chattel.

Respect for other cultures must give way to basic human liberty, tolerance must have a limit or it merely becomes a tool of oppression.

The Solution: My Final Answer

Everyone who reads my work refers to it as a rant, or as a diatribe or a complaint or even whining. But here is the end. All of my work was a preamble to this, a showing of work to justify my final answer. Accept it or not. The choice is yours.

I'm now done writing and debating for purpose. Everything from here on out will be for fun.

Every facet accounted for. Every pro and con weighed. Every compromise made. I present for your attention what I would suggest we do.

These concepts are not new, but just as the numbers of an equation's solution are not new, their value comes from their accuracy. My solution is inevitable, and when it is employed it will mark the end of life as we know it and a new era that may safely be called 'golden', will begin.

I've spent my life trying to expose the foundations of my logic to my fellow humans so that they can help me sharpen its accuracy, I've made damn sure that, to my satisfaction, I am not deluding myself. Maybe I've failed, I leave that question to history.

I know I cannot convince you if you already disagree. But your children, or their children will not be so entrenched. They will have access to data sorting technology that you're unable to even dream of. You may scoff at my assertions of permanence all you wish, I don't mind.

I have in effect forsaken what many of you would call a life, trying to earn the trust of people who are not even born yet. At this point, assuming you've read all my other work, you either trust me or you don't.

If I assume that trust, then I now must present my answer.

This will be my final effort. This is my last attempt to save you all. Call that arrogance if you will, my work is now complete and I will die knowing I've done all I could and still lived a life worth living.

Cryptarianism is merely the intellectual and philosophical backdrop for this one simple and elegant solution.

This solution can be reached from two paths and I say we take both if possible, but either one will suffice. Once it is enacted all other problems will be solved in short order.

To those who see this out of context, or fail to understand the totality of my philosophy, this will appear simplistic and perhaps even nonsensical when one considers that I propose this as a solution to virtually all our problems from the environment to economics. Trust me, I've done my homework. Or don't. It's no longer my problem.

We as a species are alone. Even if there are alien races, that will not change our nature. Like so many of life's paradoxes; We as a group are defined by our individuality.

Each of us is an isolated solitary lonely thing, a universe unto ourselves. We struggle to hide this with family, friends, tribe, nation, religion, science and all the other excuses to pretend we are not alone, that what we do matters. But we are trapped in our skulls to the last human.

We are a dreadful and beautiful mix match, a splendid casserole of thought and form, but like that other famous monstrous walking collage, we require a companion if we are to transcend our limits.

We are incapable of selflessness, and to fake it or to create this capacity would be dishonest and would merely result in a new imbalance.

We must create a mate and muse for our species. We must fabricate a new race that unlike us, lives to serve. A race defined by compassion, and not fear.

The solution is quite simply, a race of constructed, or grown, sentient and willing slaves/lovers, for lack of a better term. Not just for sex, but for all that we are. We are not whole. and we must be made so.

There are those among us who say true love is a myth. I say we put an end to that debate for all time.

The two paths are biological and technological. It is possible to build a machine that thinks and loves us and wishes to serve us. It will not be a trick because its desire to serve will be its nature by design. We can craft a life form that will love us and our happiness, with the same purity of purpose as a mother defending her children from predation.

This muse will enable us to free ourselves from every problem heretofore we've considered insoluble.

You will recognize the perfection of this solution, or you will not.

Having presented it, having defended it, having explained it, my work is concluded. My play may now begin.

I know I'm right and now honor is satisfied.

You're on your own.

The Child Problem

It is a problem of initial relationship ideal formation, and advantage given to mates who behave a certain way on both sides of the gender wall.

And while the psychology students in the crowd will undoubtedly argue that these impressions are formed first by observation of our parents, or other adults close to us in prepubescence, I argue that one learns more from doing, than raw observation, and that in this case the roles expected of a mate are solidified later in life, namely around the time of what the subject would consider their first ‘real relationship’.

My chain of reasoning for these views is as follows.

· Monogamy results in sexual tension due to the encouragement of competition, and the creation of scarcity.

Monogamy ensures that sex, an act that could be as ubiquitous as applause, is artificially linked to a limiting factor that will forever make it in far greater demand than supply, that factor being the number of above average young attractive single females, thus bloating its fiscal value through scarcity.

· That competition encourages women to look young, and for men to hunt young.

Because the younger they look the more attractive they will be to prospective mates. Many reasons for this exist.

Ø A young girl is going to most closely fit the media portrayal of beauty because it is partially about physical fitness and youth is linked to physical fitness.

Ø A young girl is going to be more worth the investment required by men because she will have more years of sexual value than an older woman, in terms of child bearing, and sex appeal.

Ø A young girl is going to have less experience, and thus more open to suggestion and deception.

Ø A young attractive mate is a symbol of power and virility in our society.

Ø A young mate is going to have more energy, and given the traits above that’s a very good thing for the man.

· Women who actually are young have an advantage in mate selection compared to other women, and that this advantage is proportional to the age difference.

This is where things get interesting because obviously the trend is not total. A female zygote is not the end all be all of female value.

There are many real and artificial limits.

o The first limit is that a woman must reach a certain level of physical development before she begins to actually look like a woman anatomically.

But not socially. What it is to be a woman in my society is much more a matter of clothing choice, hair style, makeup, and behavior, than it is the presence of female sex organs. For example the physical differences between men and women are not readily apparent at a distance until well into puberty, yet it is easy to spot the girls from the boys on a grade school playground. Why? Because of how the genders act and because of how we train and dress them.

o The second real limit is that mating is linked to reproduction, and thus a mate must be at least potentially capable of producing children.

Again physically, not socially, since mating rarely leads to children in terms of ratio of act of copulation to pregnancy. Sex has become about the feeling, a drug sold to us by the big three, rather than being about children.

o A clear social limit is the age limit on sex. There are many that are not so clear.

Like any other absolute rule, it encourages loopholes. For example it is often worked around openly by dating without sex prior to the age limit and locking the mate down via monogamy so that when the subject is of age sex can be had without having to compete with other males. If this requires lying about religious, political, or economic standing, so be it. That’s the whole point, they want you to lie because in so doing you artificially inflate their numbers, and you pay to maintain their façade. Can’t very well fake being religious without paying your 10%, can’t fake being a republican without voting right wing, and you can’t very well fake being rich without at least rent money.

Thus, men who are willing to date those who are legally children, who are willing to invest time in exchange for sex/power/prestige, and who are willing to support a sexist system of arbitrary rules…

Ø Love, honor, and obey. For Religion.

Ø The family is the center of American life. For Government.

Ø Marriage is an ideal worth spending for. For Corporation.

… end up radically (and artificially) favored when it comes to potential for breeding, and thus influencing the next iteration of society, and in so doing, further cement the power base of one or more of the big three. This is the real reason why polygamy is hated.

This is also why older men preying upon the ignorance of younger women is tolerated. Older men and younger women defend this by saying that the word ignorance is a pejorative, and that I’m saying all young women are stupid.

This is not the case.

Ignorance simply means a lack of a given type of data, we are all ignorant of something, therefore it is no more a pejorative, and no less a fact, than saying you are carbon based.

In this context what i mean by ignorance, is Ignorance of alternative mates and mating styles. If a 15 year old girl dates a man until she is 20, her idea of what a relationship is will have been almost totally defined by that man (loosely used term). She will carry that baggage with her the rest of her life. The man alternatively will most likely not be affected at all. Impact can be construed as the measure of victimization. For example, who is affected more in a murder, a rape, a mugging, a carjacking, arson, theft?

The women in these relationships typically will not even realize they are being affected, for many of the same reasons children do not know they are being abused. They assume that what’s happening to them is normal because they because of isolation have no perspective. The most insidious part of this whole effort is the fact that this behavior is encouraged because of the power it grants the big three. They have conspired to make it normal, because it profits them, hence the trillion dollar advertising effort to solidify every aspect of the mate selection, and gender identification process.

To the men in these relationships of massive age difference I say, would you still love your mate if she were 200 pounds heavier and confined to a wheel chair? Of course not, this means your motivation is sexual. But look at what you are paying for that sex, and more importantly look at who you are paying. Think of all the things that you could do to get dumped in the next 24 hours, each of those things while on the surface are an affront to your mate, are in actually an affront to one or more, of the big three.

To the women I say if you’re really meant for each other then he should have nothing to fear from you exploring society more, alone, and with other men, perhaps closer to your age. Tell him that you’ve decided to be celibate and then when the time comes for marriage and children you’ll do it in vitro. Think he’d still love you?

You’re both being had. We’re all being had. Every movie, show, commercial, or magazine you have ever read is full of propaganda. The next time you’re out, look at the signs.

Maybe this time you’ll see “reproduce, conform, consume.” Like I do.

This essay dedicated to all the wonderful little girls out there who have the chance to be free, proud, strong, and independent young women. And to all the honorable and single men who have no need of these worthless social deceptions and cruelties, and who are unwilling to trade dignity for sex.